Top 10 Annoying Customer Habits

Working as a cashier in a restaurant frequented by old people and annoying, smug, table moving church goers, I’ve grown to generally hate people. And I’ve only been working in the food biz for a year. What the experience has done for me in a good light, however, is make me want to be a better customer. After some consideration, ranting, venting, and compiling with co-workers and fellow restaurant-working friends, I’ve created this list of the most irritating things that customers do over and over again.

Please note that most of these things have actually happened to me or a friend, often on more than one occasion. I want it to be fun to read, but remember that it’s all very very true. I’m completely open to ideas for another, similar list, as well as comments, critiques, and suggestions.

10. The “Oh, is it ready already?!” joke. I get this a lot from old men trying to be witty, and my best friend had this happen a lot at the restaurant she worked at that had Buzzers too. You know those restaurants where they give you a buzzer/beeper that lets you know when your food or table is ready? Its important to say that when we take the buzzer off it’s charger, it buzzes! This lets us know that it’s working. It isn’t CUTE when customers take the still buzzing pagers and go “Oh, is it ready already? Haha!” It’s not funny.  No, it’s not ready. Shut up. It was the first time, but not after that. It’s annoying. Don’t do it.

9. Smoking in the bathroom. Seriously, what the hell? If the restaurant is a no-smoking establishment, I promise the bathroom is a No-Smoking Bathroom! Is leaving the bathroom smelling like shit and not even flushing the butt down the toilet really your only friggin option?? Why the fuck can’t you just go outside to smoke?

8. Leaving things on your table. This generally applies to people who leave their trays, plates, drinks, etc on tables where there are no waitresses. It’s not cool, and if you do it and don’t leave a tip, you are an asshole, I don’t care who you are. On your first visit, it’s understandable, but once you’ve been there before (or come every friggin week), and quite often sit right next to the trashcan that you’re obviously supposed to use, it is not okay. But really, the thing I think applies to everywhere, is the napkins and salt/pepper/ketchup packets. Nobody wants them, don’t leave them. We’ll just throw them away, so try to just not get more than you need. Even worse is bringing your trays/trash/napkins/etc up to the counter and leaving it there. Are you serious? How does that even make sense?

7. Sliding your money under the register. I don’t know if waiters have this problem, on tables or whatnot, but there’s a habit with old ladies where they’ll slide their money to the side of the register, where I can’t see it, particularly after I’ve walked away to get something, then stare at me, annoyed and expectant while I wait for them to hand me money. Occasionally they’ll reach out, push the money just a little bit, pointing out the fact that it’s under the friggin register, then look back up at me, still waiting. Seriously? Lady, can’t you just give me the fuckin money? Do you have to slide it, tentativly, across the counter, and shrink back, like coming within a foot radius of my hand would taint you with poorness?

6. Not reading the menu. If you bring back a sandwich during lunch rush because it has onions on it, and you don’t like onions, but it says there are onions on it in it’s description, I have no sympathy for you. And if it has mushrooms, and you’re allergic to mushrooms, and you insist that the menu doesn’t say it has mushrooms, even though it quite blatantly says “portobellos”, I will hate you, and think you’re an ignorant prick. I can not help but give a customer a “You’re an idiot” look when they ask me what kind of salad is in the picture they’re looking at, when it says in big red letters EXACTLY what kind of salad it is. I refuse to list out the ingredients for you unless you specifically ask, I expect you to have read the menu for yourself, like a big kid.

5. Talking on the phone while ordering. No. Just no. If you can’t be bothered to get the hell off the phone, I’m not going to bother taking your order. When I have a person ordering something while having a conversation on their phone, I work extremely hard to ask them as many questions as humanly possible. “Is this for here?” “What can I get you?” “Would you like everything on that sandwich?” “Do you want it on the bread it comes on, or a different kind?” “Mayonnaise or Mustard?” “Chips or Pretzels?” “Would you like a drink?” “And what would you like to drink?” “Would you like anything from the bakery?” “Was this for here?” “And is that all for you?” “Anything else?” “Are you by yourself?” “Can I get you anything else?” Then I’ll repeat the order, double checking each ingredient of each item. Don’t use the phone while ordering. It’s rude. At least tell them to hold on and lower the phone while you make your order.

4. Vaguely reffering to something that you obviously have SEVERAL different kinds of. I get this one a LOT. Customer wants “a cupcake” when they’re arranged on the bakery counter and you can see (quite easily) for yourself that there are THREE different kinds of cupcakes. Or someone asking for “the turkey sandwich”, when there are FOUR different kinds of turkey sandwiches on the menu. Or, the lovely “I want a bagel”,  then asking what kind you have, when A) this person comes in at least once a week and knows the friggin menu, and B) they are- quite literally- right behind you! They then get mad at the waitress or cashier, all because they don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about.

Customer: I want a cupcake.

Cashier: *pause, waits, frowns* Um…what kind?

Customer glares and waves vaguely at the bakery window, where there are Chocolate with blue icing, Vanilla with blue icing, and an Orange cupcake with white icing and an orange candy on top.

Customer: The blue one.

Cashier: *smiles a little* Um…What kind?

Customer: *huffs, rolls his eyes* The one with the blue frosting!

Cashier: *trying not to either laugh or slap customer* Va-nill-a? or Choc-late?

Customer: Uh! *huff* Vanilla!

3. Trying to keep workers from doing their jobs. If you’re on the phone and a janitor/cashier/waiter is making too much noise moving tables, stacking trays, chopping food, or otherwise doing their job, go the fuck outside. Don’t you dare shush me or ask me if I can do that later. No, I can’t, but I’m pretty damn sure you can talk on the phone somewhere else! If the blender, lemon slicer, or coffee machine is interrupting your conversation, that’s not my problem and there isn’t a damned thing I can do about it without inconviniencing another customer and risking my job.And if it’s five till close and I have to have swept, mopped, and cleaned the dining room by half past close, don’t you dare request that I don’t sweep/mop around your table. I can’t stress that one enough.

2. Refusing to leave your private activities at home. Shooting up in a restaurant bathroom (and leaving the needle in the tampon box-for me to pick out with the bread tongs); not cool. Putting in your NuvaRing in a restaurant bathroom; not cool. Taking a pregnancy test in a restaurant bathroom; undertandable, but not cool (I WILL read the result when I clean the bathroom- because of course you leave it in the tampon box- and we will laugh about you). Shitting on the floor next to the toilet, not cool at all, I don’t care how old you are. USING THE TOILET CLEANER AS AN ANAL TOY WITH THE LUBRICANT YOU BOUGHT NEXT DOOR= NOT EFFING COOL! Do that shit in the pharmacy’s bathroom for christs sake.

1. Ordering something “for here” in the last 15 minutes until close. I- quite literally- cannot understand why people do this. I completely understand rushing into a restaurant before they close, ordering up something to go so you get to have that favorite dish of yours, or your kids’, or whatever. But what the hell crosses your mind when you order something and then sit the fuck down, knowing that the place is about to close!? Think you’ve got 30 minutes while the staff “cleans up”? Wrong! More than likely, five minutes till close practically everything is already ready to wipe, dump, and leave. You sitting down just makes more trash, crumbs, dirty dishes, and all around mess, while everyone who’s already finished has to wait until you’re done taking your time with that meal that you just couldn’t take home with you, so that they can go home to have their own dinner (they probably haven’t eaten since breakfast), be with their own families, or get some sleep! This is especially distasteful if you order something that takes time to cook. Salad? Pretty okay, but don’t take your time eating it. Hot sandwich? We’d rather you not. Pizza? Very rude of you. Well done steak? Don’t even think about it. Be advised that ordering something “for here” at pretty much any food establishment in the last 10-15 minutes before closing will result in you being mocked, criticized, and hated by the entire staff. Bodily fluids entering your food is not unheard of.