Work Place Bullying: A Pandemic

  “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me”.

Many of us were taught those words in childhood and could not help understooding the hidden meaning that  they are meant to tell us. When someone says or does hurtful things towards us  we should shrug it off, rise above, put it behind us. Of course the only people who believe that this is easy to do  have probably never been bullied in their lives.

Time and time again in the course of  my work I see people who have been permanently damaged by school yard bullying.  People who still feel very keenly the accusations of being a ginger nut, or a carrot top.  Those who’s lives were made miserable because they couldn’t afford the latest in fashionable gadget or shoes. Those who’s skin was of a different colour or who’s cultural background was different from the mainstream. Or those who for some reason just looked or acted different from the rest. Like the shy and studious boy with the thick rimmed glasses or the young girl who was never allowed wear jewellry or to have stay overs,  and woe betide the sensitive child who stuttered.  People often think that leaving school means that we put all those things behind us.  Even those who have suffered at the hands of the insufferable sometimes believe that they have put their childhood fears and worries behind them, until such time as it raises its ugly head again in the world of the adult, the world of work.  Then it can rebound with a ferocity that seems to be disproportionate to the actual events even to those who experience it. The fact is words do hurt us.  They embed themselves into our psyche and become the self fulfilling prophecy of our lives.  I have dealt with more than one or two highly successful company directors or entrepreneurs who still feel that they are ‘not good enough’. It can take an awful lot of unravelling before we eventually come to the point where the person realises that they are still carrying those wounds around with them.   In these times people often try to rationalise their experiences of bullying in the adult world. I hear them say “I know it is only a small thing, I don’t understand why it upsets me so, I shouldn’t  let it”.  or “I’m an adult I should be able to get over these things  but….” or even worse still “well he/she is family and blood is thicker than water”.  Of course bullied siblings are often discouraged from sticking up for themselves because of the unwritten family rules.  More than one family has decided on the role of each child in the early days and digs their heels in if anything or anyone tries to change it.  You no doubt have come across this in families.  There’s often the naughty one, the brainy one, the cheeky chappie and the sensitive one. Roles assigned to each child before they were even capable of talking, let alone understanding the words self image.  Of course employees are encouraged in their denial by the employer themselves few of which are equipped to deal with bullying in the workplace. Some are completely blinkered to its existance. (Never trust a company who says “we don’t have any bullying issues” they are burying their heads in the sand, it is nothing more than spin) and some actually enable the bully by taking the stance that it is only enthusiastic management.  Time and time again it is the target who comes off worse for bringing bullying to the attention of those who’s job at is (on paper at least) to protect them.  They get labelled as over sensitive, paranoid,  a trouble maker.  It is amazing how sooner or later the target can find themselves marginalised or hounded out of a job.  The fact is that work place bullying is, unfortunately on the rise and it costs the UK some 19 billion work days a year because of stress related conditions at a cost of 6 billion pounds a year.  It also costs lives.  Terrorised police manager Mike Taylorthrew himself of Beachy head when he became increasing marginalised by his manager who professed as her claim to fame to being responsible for the sacking of a thousands staff in her previous job.

Work place bullying nowadays doesn’t have to be the surreptitious closet bullying that we used to hear of which was conducted one on one between a jealous colleage or a poor manage. We’ve moved on. Now we have mobbing.  The school yard has been transported into the workplace.  Now it is possible to be singled out for special treatement because you don’t have the latest in Radley handbag, or even because your post code is a bit down market. Mobbing is an even more painful experience resulting in the most horrific of consequences. You can read about the terrifying case of the Virginia Tech Massacre that happened as a result of prolonged and pernicious bullying.  What makes this case even more sad is that this young man was bullied by the very people entrusted with his development.

Nowadays the stakes are getting even higher at work.  With todays volatile economic climate you can see wannabees everywhere chomping at the bit to get their next promotion or ingratiate themselves with the boss so that they can keep hold of their position with a claw like grasp.  This is feeding that horribly voracious beast of one upmanship that is twisting our societies into something dark and sinister. A veritable cauldron of seething gnashing do-before-it-gets-done-to-you mentality that is breeding toadies on every corner just waiting to crawl out from under a rock and report every little misdemeanour real or imagined to the boss just to earn their brownie points.  These weak individuals are more than willing to join to circle crowded around the terrified target chanting their war cry and jabbing with their spears.   Heaven knows there is plenty of reason to believe that becoming top dog in a dog eat dog world is the only hope for anyone trying to make their way in this life of corrupt politicians, CEO’s who award themselves hundred of thousands of pounds in bonuses while the lower eschelons get squeezed by performance related targets and managers who consider it a badge of honour to crow about the number of employees they have thrown on the scrap heap in the scrabble to downsize. Not to mention Ponzi schemes created by the debonair veneer of the practiced confidence trickster, who’s anal retentiveness actually gives them the gall to sneer at the poor wretches they duped, totally devoid of any empathy or remorse for the carnage they have caused. “Does the  word sociopath mean anything to you”?

You might be forgiven for thinking that bullying only really happens in factories or foundaries or abbatoirs or those forgotten places where the workers get treated like untouchables by the glitzier Blackberry carrying white collar workers who believe that email is the best form of communication (after all once it’s sent its no longer their responsibility, is it?), but you would be wrong.  It is alive and thriving in the halls of academia, in our police forces. In the offices of the IT solutionists and in all of those other places who’s front of house is cool well polished marble and sleek lipped glossed receptionists, and who’s back office is a bun fight for the nearest hot desk that actually has a working PC that hasn’t already been commandeered and locked by the bosses limpet.  Why we even endorse it to some extent in our society. Programmes based on people being shouted at humiliated and abused in supposedly high class kitchens come to mind. Or what about the programme The Apprentice which highlights the appalling lows that some people will sink to just to get a well paid job with kudos.  Somehow I can’t help but feel that these programmes almost seem to be saying that it is ok to behave in this wicked manner.  Yet, it isn’t!!!  Wake up and smell the grievance procedure! Bullying is rife and unless we the workers, the public, take a stand against it, it is going to reach such proprtions you can forget worrying about your flu pandemic.  Bullying has already killed more peole than swine flu and is growing exponentially as unions become less and less effective and HR become more and more adept at using nominalisations in their procedural paperwork. It is almost as though people have become apathetic to injustices perptrated in the workplace from all corners of the earth.

Even my own profession is not free of the dis-ease, which may explain why it is that some therapists still adopt the standpoint that if someone comes to them complaining of being bullied what they really need is an attitude adjustment toFor those of you who have already experienced the cold blade between the shoulders I offer a little ray of hope. stop them from being so paranoid.   If you wonder why you have become a target here are six reasons why the bully hates you and fantasises about your demise.

• You are popular
• You are intelligent
• You are good at your job
• You are articulate
• You are morally upstanding
• You have qualities they aspire to but can never attain.

There, now do  you feel better? No! Oh dear, I was only trying to help. Of cours you don’t feel better. The likelihood is that you feel helpless. How else can you feel in the face of such utterly nonsensical, counterproductive and wicked behaviour.  Yes I do mean wicked.  If you don’t believe me then take a look at this website. Whether you are a target, or just an interested party you will learn an awful lot about what is in the mind of the bully.  If you are a bully…..well I guess you won’t be interested because in the first place you don’t have the mental capacity to recognise that you have a problem.

So if your friend comes to you and tells you he/she is being bullied at work. Don’t tell them that they are being over sensitive. Don’t tell them they are being paranoid. Don’t tell them it will go away. Don’t t tell them to get over it.  Don’t tell them that you think the bully has a point. Don’t tell them that it is not personal, or that ‘they’ are just following the rules.  Listen, very very carefully and recognise that the stress that is caused from finding oneself on the receiving end of unwarranted and unecessary criticism and sometimes vitriol is about as bad as it gets. It taps right into the human fear of being ostacised and push outside of the group (which in our ancestors days would have meant certain death). It taps into the dread of finding oneself out of work and without a good reference.  I conjures up horrible pictures of bailifs and soup kitchens and terrifying feelings of humiliation and helplessness.  The sufferer can see themselves in their minds eye spiralling down into mental derailment and vagrancy.  The results of being bullied are akin to a form of post traumatic stress complex that is so debilitating it can end in a full breakdown of mind, body and spirit from which some never fully recover.  As anyone who is on the receiving end can attest, a good twelve months can pass before a person starts to feel even remotely like they are recovered but in fact they never do because just like chicken pox leaves scars bullying leaves the taget with a constant hypervigilence that sensitises them to even the remotest possibility of coming under the gaze of another bully. A look, a word an unkind gesture can sometimes be all it takes to begin another episode of racing heart beat and sleepless nights.

As for employers.  Stop pretending to be ostriches and wake up to the fact that this evil has reached such epic proportions that it is costing you money.  Lots and lots of money.   Stop rewarding the bullies with pay rises, promotions and more authority. Start listening to people who complain of being a target. Use this very simple rule of thumb.  If someone thinks they are being bullied then they probably are!In their world the behaviour has tipped over from professionalism to pesonalised affront.  Bullies don’t behave in isolation, this is not a one off event like a error of judgement.  Bullies have a character flaw, and if you pay attention you will begin to see that there is a thread. They leave behind them a footprint like a tornado leaves death and destruction in it’s wake.  The next time you get to thinking of taking on a new manager, why not ask their previous employer if there were any grievances raised again them for bullying.  Chances are you can ask the bully themselves about how many people were made redundant or sacked from their last department by them. Don’t worry they will be quite happy to tell you. You see they don’t suffer with feelings of guilt. That would mean that they have empathy and that is one amongst the many human qualities they don’t possess.

Lets all wake up to the truth about bullying. It is costing us as a nation 6 billion pounds a year.  If we were able to put that back iinto the economy we could save many jobs and build a secure future for ourselves and for future generations. Don’t get fooled into thinking that hard nosed go getters are what makes a nation prosperous. They in fact slow down the growth, they end up costing lots of unnecessary spending to replace good people, involve personnel in grievances and tribunals, and payouts to disgruntled staff.  Not to mention the damaged and broken people who’s experiences have been so bad it is quite possible they will never regain their trust in human nature and will never be able to work again, and maybe spend their lives on medication or benefits for disability.  It’s very easy to put a stop to this growing epidemic.  See it! Name it! Stop it!