Thank You For Your Time Today: Another Interview

Another interview. Here we go again…

Hopefully, a job offer will come from this one. Being unemployed for 122 days (but who’s counting?) is starting to make me a little crazy and restless. I know I’m getting on everyone’s nerves. I’m definitely not used to having so much time on my hands.

I know, too, that the bank would love to get a mortgage payment, as would the electric company, the telephone company and numerous others.

Can a person get disability payments for being “unemployable due to being an interview failure”? I may have to check into that pretty soon and see if that’s a legitimate category.

It’s been 16 years since I was on a job interview. Things have definitely changed!

Years ago, I remember that you’d be asked standard, direct job related questions like “How fast can you type?”, “Can you work nights and/or weekends?”, “Do you have dependable transportation?” and “How are your math and bookkeeping skills?”

When did all of these new “Get Inside Your Head” questions start?

I’ll tell you what I mean.

At an interview I had a couple of months back, I walked into a room where four people were waiting. They each had a copy of a packet that contained the questions that would be asked. No kidding, this packet was at least fifteen pages thick. I could see that there was a big box next to the question for them to record your answer in. Next to that was a box where they would, individually, give you a numeric score based on their opinion of your answer. After the interview, they would total up your scores and the applicant with the overall highest score would get the job.

These four people represented both genders and displayed various personalities. There were two males and two females. There also was quite an age range.

The first was a stern looking woman who appeared to be in her late fifties. She reminded me of my fourth grade teacher that I was always afraid of.

The second woman was young (very young in my eyes), perky and friendly, had hair and clothes in the latest style and seemed to be in her early twenties. She didn’t look much older than my son.

The two men both were around my age, forty-one. One was maybe a little older, one a little younger. Again, both carried seemingly different personalities.

The first man had a quiet demeanor and appeared very kind and compassionate with softer features.

The second man, in contrast, had a face that showed stress lines and he had graying hair from years in business. He looked like he was a very serious, no-nonsense person.

Let’s start this one by saying that when I walked into the room and saw those four people sitting there, packets in front of them and pens poised, I was a little taken aback. A few twinges of nervousness started to spark. I hadn’t expected four people. I hadn’t been nervous on the way to the interview, though. Having worked in offices for 23 years, I felt that the experience shown on my resume should automatically make me the perfect person for the job.

In those 23 years, I had typed everything, filed everything, organized thousands of meetings and answered millions of phone calls. My resume, I was sure, had already shown them that I was a seasoned professional who would require very little training. This interview process was probably just a technicality they had to go through. I’ll even bet that small box from the office supply company sitting on the receptionists’ desk was my new nameplate to put on my new desk.

They started out by asking the normal questions, the ones I expected.

“How fast can you type?” That one was easy.

“Why did you leave your last job?” Another easy one.

“What kind of experience do you have with Microsoft Word and Excel?” Simple.

“Are you comfortable and experienced with the Internet?” Piece of cake.

I think to myself that this isn’t so bad after all.

Then, the “Get Inside Your Head” questions started.

“What do you feel have been your greatest accomplishments, both professional and personal?”

I wasn’t ready for that one but I think I did OK. I answered honestly. I told about starting my own business and being proud of the amazing growth of it over the years. Good answer, I think.

For the personal part, I told about the fact that my twenty-one year old son and my eighteen year-old daughter had grown into kind, responsible young adults and have never been into trouble. I said that after being a single mom for so many years, I was very proud of the fact that they turned out the way they did. Also, I felt that another great personal accomplishment is the fact that my husband of six years is my total soul mate and best friend. (I left out the part that after being married twice before this truly was a great accomplishment for me.)

Even though those may not have been the answers they were looking for, to me those things are great. I silently gave myself a “10” on that one.

“What would you do if a co-worker wasn’t doing what they were supposed to do or if a co-worker refused to do a task that you gave them?”

This one could get a little hairy. Do they want me to be the take-charge aggressor who tells the slacker to do it or else? Do they want me to be the one who follows the chain of command by observing the behavior and then “tattling” to the boss and let them deal with it? They said “co-worker”, not “subordinate” and the job wasn’t advertised as managerial. This answer could be a big deciding factor. It really caught me off guard. I managed to choke out something, trying hard to sound professional, about that I wasn’t sure how their office was set up and I wasn’t sure who was in authority but I would react under proper office policy. I probably got a “0” for that one. I don’t know because, during all of this, they don’t tell you if your answer is right or wrong. They just nod their heads, scribble on their packets and go on to the next.

After I leave, I kick myself for how stupid I sounded when I said this or that. If I would have been given a couple of minutes to think about the questions, or ideally, been supplied with them before the interview, I’d have answered them better.

Driving home, I recite perfectly thought-out responses that would dazzle anyone. I want to call them when I get home and tell them that I’ve got new and improved answers for questions number nineteen, twenty-three and twenty-four.

Unfortunately, that can’t be done and I think it would be pure suicide to do it. The interviewers give you these questions to hear your immediate, gut response. It’s an attempt to see if you actually do possess any social skills at all and are a functional member of society. All I can do is log those questions, and my now great answers, in my memory bank. That way I’ll be ready for them if I have to do this again.

I didn’t get the job. “The Letter” came a couple of days later stating that they thanked me for my time during the interview, however they’ve chosen a different candidate and they wished me the best of luck to me in my job search. Evidently, I didn’t do very well on those “Get Inside Your Head” questions.

I quickly found out that they all don’t read the same “Interview Questions To Ask” book.

While getting ready for another interview a few weeks later, I felt very well prepared. I knew that I needed to project confidence without acting overconfident or set in my ways. An employer needs someone with skills but also someone who will adapt to their procedures. I was sure that my years of clerical, payroll, accounts payable and accounts receivable experience were exactly what this company was looking for. According to their ad, some of those tasks would be part of this job.

I’d taken extra time with my hair, make-up and outfit. I’d been rehearsing my now fabulous answers to those surprise questions that I’d stumbled over from the prior interview. I wouldn’t be caught off guard this time and end up babbling something foolish. Not me. This time I was ready. Remember, I’m the seasoned professional who will require very little training.

This interview was with a very large company that, I was sure, would do direct deposit for your paychecks. Before heading out the door, I made sure the checkbook was in my purse. I would need it to fill out my bank information on the forms when they hired me today.

This one started off fine. I was escorted to the manager’s small, cozy office. She was a very friendly person with a constant smile and genuine warm presence. She appeared to be about ten years younger than I was. That was all right. She immediately made me feel comfortable and at ease.

What a great person she’ll be to work for. I can’t wait to start.

The beginning of the interview went well. She asked me a few questions about my different experience with this or that. All easy, standard questions to answer and she appeared to like my responses and seemed impressed with my years of experience. She explained a little of how the office is set-up and how they are very flexible with your hours. They, as she stated, understand that people have children and have lives outside of the office. If your hours need to be adjusted to accommodate for your children’s school scheduling or personal commitments, that’s fine. All they care about is that you get your work done.

This is great, I think. What an awesome place that I’ll be working at! I’m planning, silently of course, what hours I’ll set up with her. I’ll be able to schedule my workday so I can be home in the morning to get our son on the school bus and can maybe even be there when he gets home.

She asks if it’s all right if she brings another person into the interview. I tell her that’s fine. Her friendly demeanor and easy manner has really put me at ease. I’m sure she’s going to fetch the Human Resource person who will bring me in my employment papers to fill out.

As I wait, I wonder if I’ll get an office or a cubicle. It doesn’t matter to me. If I get a cubicle, I just can’t bring as many family pictures with me. No problem. I wonder if they’ll want me to start the next day and I try to remember what my husband’s work schedule is for the rest of the week.

The manager returns to her office with not one, but two, women. She introduces all of us. I don’t remember what departments they were from but it wasn’t Human Resources.

One woman is, as in the previous interview, an older, stern looking woman. The other is closer to my age. She smiles but it’s not a warm smile. They both appear very serious and just professionally polite. Neither one are bubbly and friendly like the manager. They each pull up a chair and the kind, warm, friendly manager recaps my skills and experience to them. The other two nod and dryly ask me a couple questions to clarify my skills. I’m getting a little nervous now, just because their demeanors are slightly intimidating.

Then, those “Get Inside Your Head” questions start:

Knowing that I had owned a company and had employees of my own, the older, stern looking woman asked,

“How do you feel about not being the boss anymore?”

“Great! I love not being the boss anymore!” was my immediate response.

Thinking back, I may have said that with a little too much enthusiasm. It was my gut response though. After running a business for 11 years, just being an employee was what I was looking for. Not having the stress of supervising everyone and having to deal with the day-to-day employee drama and decisions would be great. Letting someone else worry about paying the bills and if there’s money in the bank would be great. I knew that with a larger company like this one, though, you basically just ran the checks. The higher-ups worry about when and where the money is coming from.

Possibly, though, this position did require some “boss” type supervision of co-workers. This position also could require filling in for the manager and helping her with those types of tasks. The ad didn’t really state that but it’s possible. This may have been the first of many mistakes I made at this one. Read on.

I think I got too comfortable with the warm, friendly manager during the first part of my interview. When the two intimidating women joined us, their demeanors threw off my rhythm. My plan for interviews is always to not babble on and on. I would just directly, professionally answer the question, no more, no less.

I found myself rattling on and on each time they’d ask me a question. I also even found myself projecting personal opinions.

Here’s an example:

“What was the biggest challenge you faced running your business?”

This was not asked by the manager but by the younger of the two new, unpleasant women.

My immediate response was, “I think the biggest challenge I faced was being a woman. Believe it or not, today women still have to prove themselves twice as much as men. The industry I was in has, for the most part, been a male dominated industry.”

Babble, babble and babble. On and on I went. I recited an anecdote of a particularly unpleasant phone conversation I’d had with a male attorney from a large metropolitan area. I recapped how I finally had to get firm with him and inform him that I was the one in charge of this particular situation and he had to handle it my way. I showed him, didn’t I! I even went so far as to add that most people, especially the attorneys, from that area are hard to deal with, snobbish and lack the compassion of us small town people. In hindsight, I’m sure I sounded like a psychotic woman’s activist with a small town chip on my shoulder.

After that interview, I did some major kicking myself all of the way home.

Where in the world did all of that come from? How stupid could I be?

I consider myself easy to get along with and I like everyone until they give me a reason not to. I don’t know where that deranged personality came from.

What if one of those three women was from that city? What if their boss was from that city? What if one of them had a husband who was an attorney? I didn’t know them or where they were from.

Common sense told me that I was not the person they would hire.

I was right.

I didn’t even get “The Letter” that thanked me for my time and wished me the best of luck in my job search. I just didn’t hear from them again. I actually expected them to send me the business card of a psychiatrist that they’d recommend I should see.

I hung myself on that one and made a mental note to NEVER project personal opinions again! My “Not To Do” list was growing.

Another month goes by. I scour the local newspapers weekly and check the internet job sites daily. Numerous resumes are sent out. An occasional letter is received thanking me for my interest in their company, however they’ve chosen different applicants to interview. Some even state that the position has already been filled.

Not even an interview? With my years of experience? Is there a private website where past interviewers can post your name and warn future interviewers that you acted like a babbling moron? I’m beginning to think there is.

Maybe I can learn how to make something at home, sell it on the Internet and not have to interact with anyone. It appears that I’m failing these social skills tests I’m being given and possibly should not be allowed in public.

Raising goats in seclusion somewhere is beginning to look like the logical career path I should take.

Early one fall morning, the phone rings. It’s the manager of a company that I had sent a resume to a couple of months ago. I hadn’t even been called for an interview then. A letter had been received from him, thanking me for my application, however the position had been filled.

He asks if I’m still looking for work and if I’d be interested in coming in for an interview. The person they had hired two months ago was leaving to go back to a prior job.

It’s obvious that he doesn’t yet have access to the “People Who Bombed Their Interview” website. If he did, he wouldn’t have called me. That’s a plus for me.

I’m so excited!

My gut response was to say,

“Yes! Oh my God! Yes, I’m still looking for work. I’m going crazy here and need to do something. We are SOOOO broke! I really am an intelligent, kind, caring person and not a moron. Please, please, please hire me! I can start in an hour. Do you want me to pick up donuts? Pick up your dog from the vet? Your dry cleaning too?”

My actual response was to calmly, casually say,

“Well, yes, actually I am still available. Now that school has started, I’ve decided to start looking a little harder. I’ve enjoyed spending the summer with my kids but now I’m ready to get back to work.” Sounds like I’ve been turning down offer after offer and have chosen to be home watching daytime TV and doing word search puzzles for 122 days, doesn’t it?

He asks if I can come in for an interview in two hours. I, again calmly, state that won’t be a problem at all and that I’m looking forward to it.

I hang up the phone, do a little dance, say a quick prayer to the ceiling and race up the stairs to the shower.

“I will not blow this one. I will not blow this one.”

I say this to myself over and over again.

In the shower, I try to remember everything I can from those previous, disastrous meetings. I recall the questions that I now have awesome answers for and practice reciting those awesome answers to the shampoo bottle. I go over my mental “Not To Do” List. I also make mental notes as to what skills that I need to accentuate to him without appearing too confident or cocky. This will be OK. This will be good this time.

I arrive ten minutes early. The woman at the front desk greets me with a very sweet, sincere smile. She says that the manager had to step out and he hopes to be back in ten minutes. I thank her, take a seat and use this extra time to scope out the office.

It’s a small, casual office. That’s a good sign. It’s small, friendly and not stuffy. It has a very relaxing, comfortable atmosphere. That must mean the manager is that way too. The three women I see there are all wearing jeans, sweaters and sweatshirts. Another plus. Looks like a casual, comfortable work environment.

The front desk lady starts to idly chit chat with me and I’m enjoy our small exchange. Another woman walks through and gives me a nice smile and a hello. I remind myself, though, to not get too relaxed again.

The manager comes in. My first impression is that of a friendly, easy-going man. He’s in his late forties or early fifties. He has a pleasant, sincere smile. I shake his hand as he greets me and I address him as Mr. Brown. I don’t call him by his first name, even though he used just his first name to me on the phone. I feel that by addressing him as Mr. Brown is a professional touch that shows respect. He leads me to a small office to start the interview.

As expected, the basic questions are asked about my skills and work history. Those are the easy ones remember? No problem so far.

He then pulls out a sheet of paper. I can see that it’s titled “Interview Questions” and there appears to be about 10 of them.

Oh boy, here we go again.

Take a deep breath.

“Do you consider yourself to be a leader?”

Hey, that one wasn’t too bad.

I immediately respond with, “Yes, definitely yes. I had to be a good leader to have built my business and handled employees for so many years.”

Good enough answer, I think.

“Do you like routine?”

“Yes,” I reply. “I enjoy doing the same tasks everyday.”

A thought quickly pops into my head. What if this position requires you to bounce from task to task everyday with a lot of variety and unpredictability? Will he think I’m not flexible and will freak out if I have to get off my normal routine? I’d better cover that variable if this is a trick question.

I quickly add, “But I understand when a project that wasn’t a crisis suddenly becomes one. I’m very adaptable and can handle multiple projects at one time.”

I hope I covered both possible answers to that question.

“There are a lot of drivers that come in and out of the office everyday. How do you feel about being interrupted?”

Oh, so maybe my second answer to the previous question was right.

I respond with my signature answer that I give at each interview.

“Yes, I’m very used to being interrupted and can handle multiple projects with ease. In my previous career, I could be talking on the phone, have two lines holding for me, have someone put a fax in front of me to read, and be jotting down items on my grocery list, all at the same time.”

Pretty impressive, right?

“Where do you want to be in five years?”

I know this one. This one I can’t mess up. Obviously, the correct answer is “Here.”

That’s what I reply with.

“I can see myself still working here in five years. Your office seems very comfortable and friendly and I can see this becoming a career.”

Awesome, professional answer I think to myself.

“Why did you decide to apply here and what was it that drew you to our company and this particular job when you saw the advertisement?”

Gut response, that I fortunately did not reply with, but was thinking, was,

“Well, that’s easy. I NEED A JOB! I’m out of work and we’re broke. I’m going crazy being in the house everyday and I’m starting to talk to the laundry! You had a job advertised. I applied for it. I also applied for five others that week, praying that I’d get one of them.”

Actual answer:

“I saw that you were looking for someone with clerical skills and computer skills. I thought your company would be a great place for me to put my years of experience to use. Your company is also very close to where I live so the commute is short. I don’t know a lot about the processing of your individual products, but I did grow up on a farm.” (This company is in the dairy industry.)

Decent answer, I think. I knew not to get out the pom-poms and start saying things like, “I’ve wanted to work here since I was in high school!” or “Every time I’ve driven by your company, I’ve always hoped that an opening would come for me because this is the only place in the whole, wide world I’ve ever wanted to work!”

I felt that this one went fairly well. He told me that he was going to be doing a couple of more interviews and he’d get back to me within a few days when his decision was made.

All of the way home, I thought of a few more things I could have or should have said, but all in all, I think it was OK. We’ll see.

An hour after I got home from that meeting, I got a call from one of the other companies that I’d sent a resume to. The lady asked if I could come in for an interview the next week. They also must not have access to the “People Who Bombed Their Interview” website.

Again, that is a plus for me.

I told her that I’d love to come in. We set up a date and time. She told me which parking lot to use and how to get to their office entrance. If I get “The Letter” from the dairy company, I still may have a chance to get back in the work force and interact with the outside world.

I’m realizing that you do get better at this with practice, especially if you’re somewhat ready for all of these new and modern “Get Inside Your Head” questions. They are never the same, though, so beware.

These stressful interviews aren’t something that you proudly tell your friends you’ve been practicing, like piano or dance lessons or archery. The continuous practice means that you continuously keep getting rejected.

Gone are the days when they just hire the person with the most experience or the fastest typist. Your resume is just the start of this horrible process.

I’m wondering if, before an interview, a session or two with a psychiatrist might be useful. That would help you get in touch with your inner being and kinder, gentler self. The only problem with that suggestion is, from being out of work, you can’t afford to do it!

On a more serious note:

Any of you that are older and are trying to re-enter the work force, or are changing jobs after a long time, should study the questions that I’ve shared with you. Of course, these are just a sampling. There are more out there, I’m sure.

Practice what you might say if asked something similar. This is what is happening at interviews now.

Everything I’ve shared here is true. Your skills and years of experience are just the beginning. They now want to know what makes you tick and if you can be a proper, functional member of society.

“It ain’t like it used to be!”

But…don’t get discouraged. Keep trying. Keep pounding the pavement.

Also, watch for my next book. It just might be a great how-to piece on “Successfully Raising Goats In Seclusion”!

To quote “The Letter”,

“Thank you for your time today and I wish you the best of luck in your job search!”