The ABCs of Gossip

Although nobody likes to think that they gossip, and few people admit that they do, for the most part, everybody does. Some gossip is good, it helps people form bonds, that is, until it enters maliciousness. There comes a time when gossip is used and manipulated in a way that is destructive and manipulative. Let us consider the ABC formula. Three people named A, B, and C.

Person A and Person B are talking…it just so happens they are talking about Person C. The manipulation of information occurs when Person B then goes to Person C and tells them what Person A said, and somehow omit that they were partaking actively in the conversation at all. “Person A said this and that about you…”. Person C is somehow blindsided and never sees the obvious, that unless Person B was not defending them, because if so, Person A would not have gone on and on to any lengths.

photo by Author

Think about it. Gossip happens. Very few people really don’t partake it in, but most do not like it when it is about them. Many people encourage gossip to come back to them simply because they reward the person who tattles.

The finger pointing begins and is sometimes indulged in most by those who claim not to want any part of it, or those who claim not to gossip themselves.

If you have ever found yourself to be a Person C, and most of us have, be sure to think about it. Very likely the tattle tale who has come running to you looking for a pat on the back and a thank you, was deeply involved in the initial conversation they are now reporting to you. Their agenda is clear, if you are occupied looking at somebody else as your enemy, you will not see them right under your nose.

The most common places this kind of gossip occurs is in school and later in the work place. Person C is often a boss, manager, or person higher up in rank than Persons A and B, but this is not always the case. Very often C people do not stop to consider the involvement of both A and B in the initial gossip fest, and may find themselves becoming attached to the tattle of such events.

Sometimes gossip is a harmless relief of boredom. Sometimes it is a natural form of venting frustration or anger. Sometimes it is enlightening or funny. Sometimes it is bonding, even husbands and wives like to share in each others gossip. Very likely it will not go away. If rules are placed to disallow gossip (at a work place perhaps), it will just be hidden and those who are likely to tattle will be left out of the loop.

On the whole gossip should be understood as a healthy, normal, event. Gossip alone cannot harm, only ones perception of that gossip and use for manipulation of it, can cause harm. People are wise to partake in, and listen to, gossip with a proverbial grain of salt.