Landsbanki Hankipanki

Iceland is doing its name proud and freezes all foreign assets. Nobody gets a fish out of that net anymore, seemingly, and pre crash transfers have disappeared into the Limbo of European banks, quite safely, sure . The glitter has gone out of Glitnir, Landsbanki is drowning, and Kaupthing is not worth a farthing. Iceland’s economy has gone belly-up and the great season end sale is on, if quietly yet.

The astonishing thing about this happening is not that it happened, but that there are so many people involved who fell for too high interest rates on the internet. If a thing looks too good to be true, it usually is. So all the greedy can’t get enoughs just got their deserts. Who cares? Obviously some governments do, like the British government. Probably because Labour desperately tries to buy votes for the next elections, the flunkies clamped down on Icelandic holdings in the United Kingdom and restarted the cod war of the 70ies which incidentally was lost on all counts, including the fleet which was tamely handed over to the EU to be scrapped. What really started: A coming alive of the protectionist markets of the 18th century. Brave new world, indeed.

But who would be stupid enough to invest online into a bank they have never seen, situated on an Island nobody wants to go to, with a population as big as Islington’s? Who were these idiots that are costing tax money now? Taxes paid by people with more sense in their little toe than any of these hazarders ever accumulated in a lifetime? Apart from the obvious crooks in the public sector, the town councillors, the accountants of police and fire brigades, and the advisors of the charities, these were just very very very stupid people that now have to be bailed out by sensible us. Maybe it is true that 90 percent of humankind is too stupid to live.

At least I hope that these dummies are proud of themselves. They should be, as mostly it’s the same British individual who is bemoaning too high taxes (which will rise now, thanks), the sell out of British companies to foreigners (which was only possible with this money), the ever worsening public service (which will be crippled now by lack of money), and the too high prices in the stores (which were caused by too high interest rates caused by capital leaving the country). Yes, they should all get a medal for the harm they caused to their country. Or rather give them a peerage, which is the normal payment for services rendered against the interests of the country. As a known war criminal Tony Blair is in the lists for at least a Duchy.

But let’s get back into the frosts of the north, where people still believe in elves. Is it to wonder that gnomes ruined their economy? When collapse erupts over the country like a volcano, the banks bring forth naught but a fountain of hot air like a dried up geyser. If the nationalisation of the banks will do anything to appease the cold wind of economy must be seen, usually replacing bank gnomes of little morale through civil servants, little men of little intellect, serves just the opposite.

As an example, serve the council sleazes, juggling with millions in council taxes and feeling themselves all like men of the world and in the know, instead of admitting that they don’t know much more than the mud they serve in the council for. But squandering millions of hard earned cash to banks on the brink (either the brink of the world or the one of collapse) gives them the power feeling necessary to all useless politicians on the go to line their own pockets at our expense. Failing this, they line the pockets of their friends, like Sir Ian Blair.

As an aftermath to Ragnarok we end up with nationalised banks all over the place, nationalised in fact if not in name, and start to replace the gnomes with dwarfs for whatever it is worth. The time of reckless bonus payments to bankers will be over, maybe, and replaced with reckless other payments to politicians and their flunkies. So let’s look forward to more of the same. But there is relief; the gnomes didn’t know what they were doing, so there is no knowledge lost when the men of little brains come to the fore now.

For all the idiots who gave their money away to nameless, faceless internet doodles: There are Swiss banks, called Kantonalbank, that have full government guaranties since they were founded. They are small, they have outlets, and they have a face. And they are no risk nonsense banks, just dealing locally for mortgages or loans to companies. If one of the oversized multimillion dollar ventures knocks on their doors, they say no thank you, and peacefully look on as they founder.

Has it not even struck anybody in the slightest, that Switzerland has not had even one panic attack in all this time? The Swiss government allows itself the luxury of having its head of Finance on a prolonged leave of recovery, replaced by the Minister of Justice, should the need arise. The two Swiss banks, Credit Swiss and UBS, hit the hardest by the fraudulent American mortgage papers were recapitalised within weeks with money from Dubai and Singapore. Not a cent from the taxpayer. And nobody is worried.

Libya, in retaliation to a lawsuit in Swiss courts against one of the useless sons of the terrorist leader Khadafy, has retracted all its money out of Switzerland on Friday, a paltry 10 billion. Did one sea a single Swiss bank even bat its lids? No. The banks just stated that considerable funds had been replaced in other banks. Also on Friday, Libya declared an oil embargo on Switzerland. The President of the government just stated, that he had heard of it, but was not worried.

And actually, that is the way to handle a crisis. But little stupid men like Brown, or Cameron, or Bush, or Obama, or McCain, or what’s their name, go jumping around like flea-bitten monkeys shoring up dams after the flood has passed and binding wounds on dead men. So let’s watch these little rats scurrying around, always one step behind the events taking place. For the brainy ones, go put your money into the Swiss Kantonalbank, there it is safe.