Here is a list of ten humorous reasons for firing your employee.

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You have an employee who is inefficient and not productive. You have decided to fire him. Here are ten reasons for firing your employee:

  1. You said that you were very good with numbers. I’ve counted fifty times in the last fifty days that you have been late to work. I guess I’m pretty good with numbers too.
  2. Congratulations on being the most incompetent employee that this company has ever hired. Thanks to you, you’ve managed to turn a profitable company into a company that is on the verge of bankruptcy. It only took you two months to do it.
  3. How could you be off of work for ten weeks because of a hangnail? What next? Are you going to take a year off because you hurt your toe knocking against my chair.
  4. The computer was meant to get your work done. Instead, you’ve managed to go to every adult site known to mankind. I don’t care if it is helping your marriage. It is not helping our company.
  5. I asked for the Jenkin’s report two weeks ago. All you’ve got to turn into me is the word “Duh.”
  6. I tolerated your pink hair. I’ve even tolerated your pierced tongue. But I will not have an employee working with me that has a very visible tattoo that says “This company sucks.”
  7. I’m sorry but bringing your pillow and blanket into your cubicle does not send the right message to my other employees.
  8. Enough with the gags already. Putting a live skunk inside Ms. William’s drawer is unacceptable.
  9. Are you a wizard? You’ve managed to destroy every computer in our office in the space of one week. I do not enjoy doing my calculations with an abacus.
  10. You can’t get much work done text messaging your girlfriend every half hour and then insisting that you be given a one hour lunch break.