Ad Campaigns: Very Bad or Failed Ones and Some Excellent Successes

Flatten Everything into Nano

Was this a real ad, or somebody’s playing around with image-editing software? It looks vaguely familiar. I may have seen this very poster here in Toronto a few years ago, or something very similar to it.

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This will never be funny, cute or politically acceptable for any public ad campaign, ever. I can’t tell from the image if this is an ad poster or somebody’s private Photoshop design. If this were poster art for the product maybe it was genuine coincidence but seriously, somebody and I do mean ‘in a boardroom’ must have seen and approved this. Things like this just don’t ‘happen’ in advertising. Somebody somewhere would have had to say ‘what if we… (sketching a quick doodle) did this and then, -oh yeah!’ and the sketch board doodle turned a light bulb on over someone’s head resulting in a mock-up that went to whatever next step is involved in publication. Really bad concepts in ad posters are probably born this way. I am sure that the concept was that ‘all these albums and images can be squeezed down into this little rectangular box’ but still too fresh in the memory is smoke and fire rising up out of that rectangular box (building.) If this is real, iPOD should have stuck with the white headphone leads. That was a marketing success beyond comparison.

No Drinking and Commuting?

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Nobody wants to share a Taxi with a drunk or sit near one on the Bus, Underground or Subway as we call it. This is slightly funny in some kitschy way. The Government is against Drinking & Driving as it rightly should be (or ‘Boozing & Cruising’ as we sometimes call it) but this is rather amusing in a dumb way. Apparently drunken people all have a secret wish to be a circus performer on a tight rope act or something. That, and the usual perception of themselves being more intelligent than they really are and exceedingly attractive to the opposite gender.

COP: Constables on Posters. Do Approach These People

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I did a double-take when I saw this one. For several seconds I could not decide what I was looking at, but it an invitation for the citizenry to approach the police. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, to summon assistance or to say a friendly hello. We so seldom see posters on buses, subways or in Postal Offices for anything except for violent offenders and other wanted felons that it was a pleasure to see this poster featuring some everyday heroes who are there everyday, ready to help you. Some might even call them “brave” but if you asked them, they would shake their head say that they only did one brave act in their career. That was the day they signed up. Everything after that was just in the line of duty.

The Oscar Meyer Wienermobile

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Gosh is this iconic thing still around? I remember this from my childhood. Who knows, maybe this Oscar Mayer bologna snack advertisement is making a comeback what with its aerodynamic shape and the price of gasoline these days. We might all be driving something like this in the next few years. I bet its great for picking-up women! But its still a wiener. – I mean, a winner.

“Collapse into Cool” and other McBad Promotion Ideas

In August of 2006, there was a bad reaction with consumers over McDonald’s “Hummer” vehicle toys in McDonald’s “Happy Meal” for children. GM and McDonald’s collaborated to produce and distribute these toys in an apparent effort to gain customer loyalty from the parents of the children. -Advertising aimed at the parents through their children! -Nothing new, -just watch “The Cartoon Channel” and see what they are advertising during breaks.

Hummers are not noted for their environmental friendliness and in fact, quite the opposite. This promotion at McDonald’s coincided with the release of the smaller H3, the Hummer that isn’t so big and presumably, is slightly more environment-friendly? It mean the ’smaller’ Hummer is still bigger than my first apartment! Sheez!

The complaints from conscientious objectors whom did not approve of the use of Hummer toys in their child’s meal were removed from the McKids promotional website, leaving just whatever praise for the toy and product that may have existed, giving the false impression of total favor. It seemed as if this promotion were being marketed to curry favor with the car-buying parents through the love and affection of the toy by the child. Other blogs however, mentioned this quite explicitly. McDonald’s addressed the controversy by stating in essence that the mini-Hummers are just toys and not vehicle recommendations which only inflamed the situation. The best of intentions were at work here, folks. While we would never drive or own a Hummer, our child does have one of these Hummer toys and you know, it is a sturdy, rugged little piece of plastic love. If only Hotwheels and Matchbox cars were made this sturdy! They used to be, and they used to be metal! Now there are nearly all plastic and cheap, flimsy little things that you can just about crush in your hand. Despite this mini-Hummer being almost entirely plastic except for the axle wires, it is probably far more rugged than either of these ‘classic’ collectible racing cars brands from my youth. I actually, um, rather like this Hummer  despite the fact that supreme iconic TV wiener Horatio Cane of “CSI: Miami” drives one and that alone is enough to chase me away from it in fear and loathing.

Another McDonald’s promotion tragedy occurred some months later when in the fall of 2006, some 10,000 MP3 players emblazoned with the McDonald’s Corporate Logo were given away in Japan. Each digital music player came with 10 free songs and unbeknown to all, a Trojan computer virus too! When the user attached these MP3s to their PCs to download more music, the Trojan virus propagated to the computer and from there, harvested user information and sent it forthwith to the hackers via their internet connection.

But the granddaddy of all promotional boners must goes to Starbuck’s Coffee for their blatant and disrespectful “Collapse into Cool” posters featured in some 3000 of the coffee giant’s stores briefly in August of 2002. No “Creative Commons” or “Wiki” image could be found so I reconstructed this facsimile using Photoshop.

Photoshop image by author

Appearing in parts of the U.S. and Canada, it featured two large cold drinks towering over suspiciously suggestive cropped-top blades of grass (looking very much like skyscrapers in a major metropolitan city namely New York City) and a dragonfly on a collision course with the towers, -opps I mean cups of cold delicious drinks, with the large text touting “Collapse into Cool” emblazoned across the top of the poster! Use of the word “collapse” is still a very powerful suggestive description for anyone in NYC, and I think Starbuck’s knew this and intended to capitalize upon it. Does this not look like the attack on the World Trade Center buildings which, um, ‘collapsed?’ Coincidence?

 Starbuck’s quickly pulled the ads after immediate customer complaints began flooding in, stating ‘no offense was intended’ and offered further P.R. about merely

“…wanting something colorful and playful on the walls in the stores”

or some such nonsense. No, somebody tried to market an idea based upon a terrible incident that was still fresh in the minds of all Americans and it was dastardly poignant what the poster alluded to. There are still people upset over this poster.

I remember hearing about this the morning new with CNN’s Jack Cafferty and seeing the poster there for the first time. Okay folks,-Jack Cafferty can make ANY argument look preposterously inane or stupid when he starts to lambast it. He is an awesome commentary speaker.

Undecided, But Wants to Err on the Side of Right

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Have you seen these posters on trains or buses yet? It started in the U.K. I think. And now, they have come to Toronto. An Atheist campaign is putting these up here in Ontario province, notably right here in Toronto. This poster campaign “might” expand to other areas of Canada, so the news claims. A recent poll on CITY-TV’s BT (”Breakfast Television”, our channel 24 morning news) had the poll results division of “like it” or “don’t care” nearly equal! Something like 51% versus 49%, making it one of the closest polls that they have ever surveyed.

I have seen these posters myself and have to say that I do not like them. For some undefinable reason, these “No God” posters make me feel uncomfortable. I’m all for ‘not worrying’ but I’d rather have that with God, than without. Okay?

Ending on a Good Note Though…

Think Thin. You CAN fit into those Jeans!

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These ads have appeared recently in women’s magazines. I believe that this is a cream which portends to ‘melt cellulite from the hips’ or wherever it is applied. Those painted-on jeans are lookin’ rather good and this ad surely catches the eye.

Hot Pockets: Not the Convenience Food from your Freezer

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This is brilliant. I mean, is this not perfection? She is just lovely. It makes me want to go out and buy jeans! These jeans! Lots of these jeans! How better to make anyone want and desire their product better than to advertise them without even showing the product! This shocking beautiful ad campaign must have worked exceedingly well for the in-your-face poignancy. That there is such beauty in the human form makes this rather artful. On one hand, I’m loving it! On the other, I’m thinking ‘yeah, I’d like to have that swing in MY backyard!’

This reminds me of another similar ad that promotes the worthwhile cause of Human Organ & Tissue Donation. It features a beautiful women of such amazing centerfold worthiness to make women envious and men swoon, and the text of the ad was something like “Organ Donation; it’s the only chance you’ve got to be inside her.” Great ad! Probably also a very effective ad campaign.